Thoughts on Life, Art, Photography, Technology, Teaching and Travel…..
To begin again. What would you do if you could start all over again? Think about it….to be able to erase the slate completely. Would you go into the same career? Marry the same person? Make the same decisions and choices you made before. What if everything from this moment on could be different and the past was erased and no longer mattered.
My pastor at mass announced this morning that he was leaving our church, and at 50 years old has decided to live a life of poverty as a Franciscan priest. In many ways I envy him. He ended his homily with something to the effect that “everything in our lives up until this moment doesn’t really matter – it’s what we do from this point on that truly counts”. My past has been a mixture of ups and downs, hills and valley’s, good times and bad, stupid choices, some good outcomes, painful mistakes, euphoric moments, joys and sorrows, and lots of mediocrity in between.
I’m feeling called (pulled) to make some drastic changes, to take some real risks with the final stages of my life’s journey. I’ve been playing it safe for way to long. Sure, I have a viable and challenging career, nice home, two great kids, membership at the local country club and a low maintenance parakeet, BUT I’m still feeling absolutely EMPTY inside and the sermon today hit a nerve with me – tapped into something I have been wanting to do for the past few years. Making money doesn’t matter to me at all – the only reason I work so hard and put in so many hours freelance online teaching is to provide for my two children. I don’t have many material needs, don’t require a lot – just a simple abode, some food and a quite place to think, pray, write and occasionally make some art.
There is no doubt I’m at a crossroads – a transitional point in my life – I’m not one to accept status quo. So…with all this said, what’s the next step?
God is calling, but I still don’t have clarity – I have a son (Adam) in Argentina and a daughter (Andei) in Sicily, YET…. – I can’t quit work,, BUT I can retire and still be able to provide for my family if my financial needs are minimal. That is where I am now…I’m beginning to accept (and look forward to) living a life of solitude, poverty and isolation mixed in with travel, writing, prayer, art and God knows what else.
To begin again… sounds like a plan.